When I was still young, I did everything I want. I was too care free. My mom let me enjoy my childhood days, experiencing pain from wounds and not because of broken heart. She provided my needs and made sure that I'm living a comfortable life. I'd come to think of it, I'd never ask her then whatever she wants. She just cares for us too much and that was enough for her. I'd never ask her then if she was doing okay, or if she was tired when all she did everyday is to take care of us. I'd never appreciate her efforts, not until I was maybe in Grade 10. I get annoyed when my mom didn't want me to participate in an activity just because it's expensive. I kept on insisting way back then. I didn't stop until I get what I want. It didn't matter where will she get the money needed but what's important was that I was able to participate in every activities I want. Until, a realization hit me hard. She loves us unconditionally. She will do everything to make us happy. When I needed something, she would get it for me right away no matter where she is. That's how much she loves us. I now know and appreciate her sacrifices. Until, we encountered a tremendous challenge. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last January 2017. It was a shock for all of us. I couldn't believe that it can happen in real life, in our lives. This changed our lives completely. I was crying and hoping that her cancer won't get worse. I never showed her that I was in pain, because I couldn't imagine how much more pain is she experiencing. I couldn't bear the pain especially when I see her at home. Seeing her in too much pain, hurts me real bad. The results showed that she has a stage 3 breast cancer. I couldn't do anything but cry out of frustration and pain. I kept asking, why? Of all people, why her? She had an operation but it didn't have the assurance that the cancer is gone, so she continued her medication. My mom gained weight for the succeeding months. I was happy and relieved by that. She was able to eat the food that was restricted for her to eat. She finally gained her strength. She was recovering. Or so I thought. She'd been bother by the pain she felt with her other breast (the one that was not operated.) She can hardly sleep at night. One night, when I was facing my laptop, I heard soft sobs, so I followed the sound. There in our bed, I saw her crying. I even saw her awake and continuously crying at 2 am. We asked her why and she said that she was hurting, that everything about her body is aching. It was my first time to see her cry in front of us and that must mean that she really was indeed hurting and was trying hard to withstand the pain. But you know what tore me that midnight, she told my dad, "Patayin mo yung ilaw matutulog pa yung anak mo." Despite the pain that she's experiencing, she still bothered to think of me. My dad wanted her to go to the hospital that time, but she insisted not to. Days went by, she had a check up and found out that her gall bladder is damaged and her lymph nodes are swelling. She can hardly walk and stand. I didn't want her to worry too much, so I prayed and prayed. I was disappointed because I couldn't do anything. Then, she asked help to a family friend who also helped her way back. She had her CT scan. Just a while ago, I heard the results from my cousin. She has a metastatic bone disease which means that the cancer cells had spread through her bones and other parts of her body, her spine, head, and ribs. It was also found out that there is fluid in her lungs and that her gall bladder is failing. Even her lymph nodes got worse. I was too shocked and I broke down. I can't believe this is happening to her. Where did she get all these illnesses? Why is she suffering like this? Her doctors said that there are a lot of things need to consider before she undergoes a treatment. They still don't know if chemotherapy will still work for her. My cousin and I decided not to tell my mom about this. I'm afraid she'll break down and lose hope. I can only hope, but I'm finding it hard to hope for the best. We're still young. I can't lose her. I can't. I don't know if this is my karma that's why my mom suffers. Why her? I was regretting not appreciating her sacrifices way back then. I hope I can turn back the time even if it's too cliche of me to say so. I badly need your prayers for this wonderful woman in my life. All she does was to love us unconditionally. I still want her to see me graduate with flying colors, to witness my wedding, to see her grandchildren and to be taken care by us. Please Lord, don't take her away from us, not too soon. Gusto ko pa pong bumawi sa kanya. Please let me do that. Lengthen her life and make her stay with us longer. I love this woman, Lord. I love my mom so much so please let me show that to her. Extend Your healing hands to her. I lift up all these to You. - FREYA
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"Your life may be in hopeless end, but with God, life is an endless hope." "Happiness lies within ourselves, as well as acceptance." "Do not be afraid to love and trust again, because that's when you'll be happy again." "Love isn't just about holding on, but letting go." "Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom." AuthorFreya is created to inform, inspire and influence people. Archives |